We're all brothers...

Hi Everyone;

As I recover to this particular hit to my little world I find myself confronted with the notion that my little world may be just a bit bigger....or that this large world may be a bit smaller.

I was the awestruck and appreciative recipient of condolences and hugs from all around the world...from here in the States, England, Germany, and from people in places I'm not aware. It was an incredible heartfelt gesture by people in this little community, and the empathy you showed for my plight helped me see I wasn't alone. Thank you.

I saw this demo/vid and wanted to share it with you. I felt myself a bit awestruck and unsure of what to think at the end. I thought about how I can improve the mood of the people about me by improving my own mood. I thought how my friends about the world are only known to me by this little box sitting on my desk, but their impact on my life and my heart is so very much more. Also, I realized that all the pop songs about us being sojourners on this spaceship earth may be just a bit closer to the truth than some would find comfortable.

Well, follow the thread and see it for yourself. Tell me what you think. -randy.

http://www.wimp.com/empathyevolution/

Update on the Nov.17 post...

Hello all;

I just wanted to share with you that the Aunt that I had spoken about on November 17 passed away last night. Her son and best friend were with her, and loved ones had been around her all during the day. I guess if it comes one's time to go, moving on when loved ones can be there with you to send you on your way peaceably is the best.

She was my constant supporter, a dear heart who lived up to the reputation for red-heads. I will find myself missing her very much.

Advertisements we will never see now...

Is this some crazy stuff or what? I guess you could say nearly anything you wanted then and get away with it. I didn't share all the ads that were sent to me...some were really bad, and that's in reference to these. Hey, go figure, eh? -randy

...or can the leopard change his spots...

The origin, the popular origin of this phrase comes from the Bible, specifically the book of Jeremiah 13.23. It asks if one can be different from that which he has drawn himself accustomed to being. And yet, the question lives: do the spots define the leopard? He is known by them, surely, and yet they are only skin deep. How deep is the heart? How deep is the soul? In a rush to judgement, we look at a person by the image most portrayed by the loudest of his detractors and determine his very nature by the mistakes in which he has tripped and stumbled to this place by which he now stands. The saint in this century is one who has the greatest publicist, not the greatest moral and ethical code. The villian is the moment, the easy mark, the simplest fool too slow to understand when to point and run. So, if I am so bold, let me paraphrase - and in the act of paraphrasing, forgive the butchering of a great man's iconic speach - I pray that one day men will be known by the heart that beats, the soul that shines and the mind that moves, not the hand, not the mouth, and surely not the feet that stumble. If I may dream, let it be that the spirit may exceed the flesh and rise up to lead the man to great things.

I wonder where life goes...

Like some sort of comedy of errors, a Benny Hill Show in living color, my little world trudges on step after goofy step, and I can't help but to wonder sometimes where it will end up. I've made it very clear in my blog sidebar that I've lived my life a bit as a lie, never really coming out as gay or straight, but perhaps not doing so has made it all too clear for all too many. Who knows, and perhaps, who cares.

I wasn't all too fired up to declare myself because I figure I have enough problems at the moment. Would it effect my friends...probably. My job? No, shouldn't...but there are a lot of shouldn'ts in this world that just seem to be there anyway. So, when I got the call this morning from an old friend, one who I grew up with just a few houses between, I probably should have been much more circumspect. But, there the goofy foot goes, and step by step, my path grows ever sillier. She asked if I have a girlfriend, how am I doing...yada yada. Well, she knows enough about me to know enough and finally just came out and asked. Damn, now what? I told her I'm still searching for the answers.

You know, in a world where I've been subject to unending judgement from much of my family, here comes this wonderful person, whose life is filled with problems of her own including cancer, addictions, mental struggles, who told me that she could care less either way. She said that it was more important to be happy than to make everyone around me happy....and that I should just be me. Isn't that just the most sage advice?

Of course, words and actions are often so different. It's easy to say, it's harder to do. Life on the rail gets you splinters, that's for sure, but perhaps the silly little strut my life seems to be on will waddle me right towards the very things she wants me to commit to - the very things I need to commit to in order to begin living. Nonetheless, I think right now I'm going to do my best to be happy where I am and try to avoid running head long into any walls. ...randy.