The death of a friend....

I found out just a couple days ago, and still in shock I find myself writing. Tommy was a friend when we were kids of elementary school age, maybe some in jr. high….so that would be roughly up to 13 for you trying to translate. I was born destined to be large, physically, while Tommy was the little guy with the big heart. I remember him as I knew him best, of course…..the last I recall seeing him he was roughly 13 but stood about the same height I did at 11. He was of clear complexion, with bright blue eyes and blond hair, an athletically thin body. I remember him to be a leader in spirit, smart, quick…. Perhaps my fondest memory and one I recall frequently…the school bus was full. Yes, those were the days we rode a school bus to school, but it went up hill both ways, ok? But, the bus was full and there were kids standing in the aisle - as more and more got on it soon became necessary to think beyond that and I now had Tommy sitting on my lap. We were roughly 11, maybe 12, and I could smell the fresh morning shampoo coming from his beautiful hair. As the bus continued on, bouncing and bumping it’s overloaded self to the school, I realized that I was enjoying Tommy on my lap. I realized, and immediately shunted the thought into a dark corner never to be thought of again, that I was crushing on this boy. I’m sure when we got to school it was all about the newest girl and how the football team was doing, ya know guy stuff. But, even if he didn’t know, I forever felt a very warm if uncomfortable feeling for that boy…desires I didn’t understand, couldn’t translate, and didn’t dare feel openly. So, there it is, my first boy crush. I remember him so well now as I look back. He was beautiful…..and now gone.