A new Republican pledge...

Hello everyone;

   I learned of this piece of filth just recently and wanted to share it with you.  I know this is going to come to you as a shock, but Michelle Bachman signed it.  She's basically the only one.  It comes from an Iowa group hoping to change the politicians spots and create an eden all their own.  No apples allowed.  It's not the craziest pile of pulpit poo I've ever heard, but that's because I run in weird circles...


The Candidate Vow:

  Because candidates are well known for keeping thier vows once in office...

Therefore, in any elected or appointed capacity by which I may have the honor of serving our fellow citizens in these United States, I the undersigned do hereby solemnly vow to honor and to cherish, to defend and to uphold, the Institution of Marriage as only between one man and one woman. I vow to do so through my:
  "...of serving our fellow citizens..."  Oh, this is only referring to the "right kind" of citizens.  All others don't really count, you know.
--Personal fidelity to my spouse.
   because that's worked out so well for, hmm let's see:  well, there was Newt, Cheney, Clinton, Kennedy,
--Respect for the marital bonds of others.
   -unless of course you don't agree with that particular marriage bond.  Then, of course, it's open season
--Official fidelity to the U.S. Constitution, supporting the elevation of none but faithful constitutionalists as judges or justices.
  please translate to:  will judge as we tell them to judge or else we tell everyone they aren't 'faithful'.
--Vigorous opposition to any redefinition of the Institution of Marriage - faithful monogamy between one man and one woman - through statutory-, bureaucratic-, or court-imposed recognition of intimate unions which are bigamous, polygamous, polyandrous, same-sex, etc.
while being a law abiding person, I'll determine which laws are abidable, thank you.  Besides, if our unions aren't very intimate, neither can yours be intimate.
--Recognition of the overwhelming statistical evidence that married people enjoy better health, better sex, longer lives, greater financial stability, and that children raised by a mother and a father together experience better learning, less addiction, less legal trouble, and less extramarital pregnancy.
at lease that's they way it works in my fantasy.  reality is just not a concern at this moment
--Support for prompt reform of uneconomic, anti-marriage aspects of welfare policy, tax policy, and marital/divorce law, and extended "second chance" or "cooling-off" periods for those seeking a "quickie divorce."
oops, just lost the lawyers
--Earnest, bona fide legal advocacy for the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) at the federal and state levels.
because there's nothing more proper than advocating the most base and illegally prejudicial bit of law since slavery was an "of course".
--Steadfast embrace of a federal Marriage Amendment to the U.S. Constitution which protects the definition of marriage as between one man and one woman in all of the United States.
Oh, and I want it put right next to the phrases about all men being equal, the right to liberty, pursuit of happiness, and see if you can get it next to the one about freedom of speech and the right to be treated equally under the laws.
--Humane protection of women and the innocent fruit of conjugal intimacy - our next generation of American children - from human trafficking, sexual slavery, seduction into promiscuity, and all forms of pornography and prostitution, infanticide, abortion and other types of coercion or stolen innocence.
you know like brain washing, miseducation, that type of stuff.
--Support for the enactment of safeguards for all married and unmarried U.S. Military and National Guard personnel, especially our combat troops, from inappropriate same-gender or opposite-gender sexual harassment, adultery or intrusively intimate commingling among attracteds (restrooms, showers, barracks, tents, etc.); plus prompt termination of military policymakers who would expose American wives and daughters to rape or sexual harassment, torture, enslavement or sexual leveraging by the enemy in forward combat roles.
ok, now we are going to regulate the thoughts of our soldiers?  I need some of this dope you're smokin', man.
--Rejection of Sharia Islam and all other anti-woman, anti-human rights forms of totalitarian control.
oh, dang.  Can we put this in the place next to "freedom of religion", but pencil in "of those religions we like".  Hmm.  Human rights?  Oh, that's right....gays aren't human so therefore have no rights....
--Recognition that robust childbearing and reproduction is beneficial to U.S. demographic, economic, strategic and actuarial health and security.
as long as the kids are white republicans.  Oh, and no making gay kids.  Otherwise, well, you know....
--Commitment to downsizing government and the enormous burden upon American families of the USA's $14.3 trillion public debt, its $77 trillion in unfunded liabilities, its $1.5 trillion federal deficit, and its $3.5 trillion federal budget.
Shhh!  you damned fool!  That's why I want to be a candidate; to get me mine!
--Fierce defense of the First Amendment's rights of Religious Liberty and Freedom of Speech, especially against the intolerance of any who would undermine law-abiding American citizens and institutions of faith and conscience for their adherence to, and defense of, faithful heterosexual monogamy.
you know, they really didn't read this.  ok, what this means is:  the right of those who are in the right religion and saying the right things to not have to hear other ideas.  That's just not kosher, you know.