Saturday, January 8, 2011

Some issues I'm struggling with...

Hello everyone;
I am the very proud and fortunate recipient of great advice from a great friend. One of the things we have been talking about lately is my getting out there and meeting people. Well, as many have found, meeting people is not always so easy.
One of my problems is that I am very much in the closet. Of course, being in the closet is often less who doesn't know vs. who I haven't told. I think the whole closet thing is one of a glass door, and often people who know us well already know. No matter, being in the closet is just part of my current situation.
I live in a small town, where that whole six degrees of separation is down closer to three. So, although I would really like to take part in activities and meet people who are gay, I'm very nervous that it will become known and will negatively effect my job. Ok, shallow, but jobs are very scarce...very. I have responsibilities that require I be employed, such as house payments and the other multitude of bills that come with that. This is a real concern.
So, my question I put out to you is this: do you have any suggestions or have you ever been in similar situations and what did you do?
I'd like to say that I'm not a "run out and do it" type of person, but I am becoming braver and better prepared. I probably won't jump on the advice you give, but it will greatly color my thoughts and my coming moves. Thanks for your help.


Anonymous said...

I presume you're in the US whereas I'm in the UK so our analyses may be somewhat different.

1. There's a huge personal advantage in terms of relief, inner security and freedom for those of us who come out.
2. It is not a pre-requisite for meeting other gay people but it makes it very much easier.
3. If your god is happy then he knows you're gay so what other men say should be of much less importance, I presume? I live in an increasingly secular country and am an atheist having rejected the religious teaching of my youth - partly because I am gay.
4. You can meet gay people through all kinds of social forums on the internet as well as through gaydar and other agencies. Many find this a good way to talk with and maybe meet other gay guys.
5. If you were in the UK I'd say move to a bigger place - securing employment before you do - so that you can have the confidence to be more openly gay and benefit from the social activities which bars, clubs, bookshops, cafes etc. which may be gay friendly. But I realise that in 'small town America' (if that is where you are) the horizon doesn't seem so far away and it takes a great leap of faith to even think of any such thing.

randy said...

Hi Micky;
Thank you so much for writing. Unfortunately, I am unable to move...long story. I am looking outside this small little burg, though. And, you are right, God knows my heart...but I have to protect the responsibilities I have, I must work and it must be relatively close to here are terribly difficult to find. The unemployment rate is 12% on my last look.
I didn't think about the cafe's and bookshops...there are a number of college towns within an hour's drive or so, and that type of environment is much more open. I will look further into that.

Anonymous said...

Hey Randy,

I think it is really important to come out: it's freedom, it's about being who you are...
Be glad to be gay. God, I wish I was!
Hugs, Michel

randy said...

Hi Michael;
I like who I am....but I would like to be more free, like you say. Unfortunately, I feel I am under this restriction for the moment.
You say "God, I wish I was"...what do you mean?
Hugs to you, -randy.