Sunday, May 30, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
This post was originally a thought towards Miles, who so loved Declan’s rendition of “Imagine”. And, please note, this was borrowed from YouTube…..a place I thoroughly enjoy. But, as I watched the video again, it really struck me….and so up on my soap box I go. In every war, in every conflict, live a politically silent majority who have no say in the actions of their government. Those countries who have a vote deny these souls the chance to voice an opinion. Those countries that are regulated by a more abrupt form of government allow perhaps even less input. And yet, it is the very future of the country that this politically silent majority hold in their tiny little hands. So, I say, before every decision, before every angry vote for war, before every stubborn denial of aid to war and disaster ravaged areas, before every decision to allow acts that threaten our world, the leaders should be strapped down to a chair, forced to watch this video with their own children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, and explain why their decision is best. Perhaps then we can live in peace. But most likely, only if some wise and couragous child could look into the leader's eyes, touch his cheek softly and say "Please, Daddy....No!"
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Hello all; Welome to today. Ok, that sounds silly, but perhaps we sometimes need to realize that today is not only a new day, but is the only day we have....currently. Yep, by definition, you can only have one day at a time. Sorry. Make the best of it you can, another is not promised. My very good friend has been trying to knuckle some ideas into my head over the past while.....the past is past, live the best you can today, be the best randy you can be.....you know, that sort of stuff. It's all "stuff" until that day the brain stumbles upon the 'o-yeah' moment. So, despite the fact that I woke up believing that leg cramp was a dream - it could have been worse. I could have had to pee in my dream .... Think on that for a moment. Anyway, despite the fact that I woke up in the end stages of a doozie of a cramp (and no, I have no idea how to spell doozie) and I have a GREAT deal of work to do today, I'm already enjoying my day. The sun is shining, Scottie's bird is singing (he came back to wake me up...I sent him down to you again), and I am feeling good about life. I sure hope I can manage this feeling and thought process throughout each of my days. So, ok, this was silly to an extent. It just feels good to decide to feel good. I send out to you all my love and good thoughts, and a litle combination of Declan Galbraith and John Lennon.....two very special people. And, the great one, Louis Armstrong. (my many thanks to the folks who made these vids possible ..they're borrowed, not my work.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Have you ever considered the pearl? An odd phenomenon, it is the product of an oyster or clam, a slimy little creature surrounding himself with a shell and living where, inevitably, he gets sand kicked in his face. He's not a particularly handsome creature in the same limits that we find birds, puppies and kittens, people, even frosty cold beer handsome. And, perhaps not even to other oysters. So perhaps he gets sand kicked in his face fairly often. Sooner or later, that sand that is kicked in his face, as it were, gets past that tough shell and becomes an irritant. What does the oyster do? He wraps that irritant in layers upon layers of himself, in effect isolating himself from the effects of that irritating sand.
What becomes of the irritant we call a pearl. It isn't the sand that is made beautiful, but the very substance of the oyster brought out by the maddening irritation of the sand that shows itself to be truly beautiful. The inner beauty of a creature many would describe as unattractive thrust forth in protection. Isn't it odd?
(We won't go into the manner in which an oyster is harvested. Nor will we wonder at the thoughts of a creature who sees us marvel at the beauty of something he found torturous.)
Sometimes, I guess, inner beauty is never expressed unless there is some form of extreme irritant that simply won't go away.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
I have been both the victim and the vicitimizer.....a horrible realization. To understand that I have been in the position to hurt someone else is so horrible to me now. There were times I was a bully just so I wouldn't be bullied. I was the one in hiding...hiding away from the sexual abuse I was receiving from an older neighborhood boy (he had been told on and nothing happened - what could I have done?). I was hiding from physical abuse and emotional abuse living right under the same roof. And from my hiding spot, I became just as bad and worse an abuser.....I am so sorry, so ashamed. An adult person makes choices in his or her life and has to live with those choices. Sometimes we don't even realize why we do what we do, but doing it is the adult's choice. I chose to hurt who I hurt due mostly to the hurt I had in me. Did that absolve me? Was it ok because I didn't set out to hurt someone? Hey, I was drunk? I was sad? I was lonely? I was mad? No! Just because I was hurting did not make me hurting someone else any more acceptable than saying because I have a dent in my car I'm going to crash your car. I live with the pain I have caused everyday when I look into the mirror. I can't get away from it.....Scottie tells me not to be so hard on myself, to love myself...but for years I was the person who was told he was worthless; would never be anything; why was I even born; so ugly; such a jerk; can't do anything right; I can't even stand the sight of you....I've had guns pointed at me and dry-fired, then called a wimp becasue I didn't like it. And yet, I still love these people; I still crave the acceptance and I still need the positive strokes from these people. And, I still hate the person that was so unworthy of that love, acceptance, respect........me. I wish I could go back in time and tell the people I bullied and hurt how sorry I was and make it all somehow go away. I can't....they are living with my abuse in some way the same as I am living with the abuse that was done to me. And, then there is the moral righteous.....whose "job" it is to punish and castigate at every opportunity. These 'holier-than-thou' folks with vengence in their hearts ... and they probably don't even know why. Facts are useless to them..... just as useless to my victims is the fact that I was a victim, so is the fact for such people who would abuse from a stance of righteousness that they are actually in the wrong. It doesn't matter....the hurt is there on both sides no matter the reason. The only difference: the hurt one side is feeling is a choice of the other.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Well, the trip to see Mom and Dad for Mother's Day went quite well, considering the short duration I would be able to spend there with them. I couldn't get Mom to stop cooking....she was even bringing me coffee. Doesn't seem right.
It is my favorite place in the world, going to see them. The pic here is from the small lake on which they live...there are homes all around the lake, but on mornings when the fog is rolling off the lake like this you wouldn't know. Then, all you can hear is the song of the loon, the occasiounal lap of the water on shore, the chattering of your teeth....the world is at peace. It is a chance to believe in God, to rest in His creation. I spent a lot of my youth there.....it is sad that I only go up there now when it is not going to be crowded, which means early spring and late fall. I may just have to change that this year.
My puppy was not really all that happy about the truck ride. She made the entire trip with her head on my chest or lap, pressed into me for everything she was able. I had to physically remove her from my lap twice as I couldn't drive like that....we will need to make more trips and get her feeling more comfortable. Besides, it's really hard to snack when the dog's yap is less than 4 inches from one's own. But, she so enjoyed all the new smells and SQUIRREL!!!!! there. That dog about turned herself inside out when she saw the geese come in for a landing.
Mom enjoyed the dog....Dad was a bit less enthused. He's grumpy. But, I took up flowers and beer...covered all the bases, and really enjoyed spending time with them. They are good people, I must admit.
As an aside......speaking of good people.....my many and sincere thanks to Scottie (especially) and also to JR for all your encouragement. Also, thanks to Ty....who I understand is trying to get through the complexity of blogger and leave me comments. Keep trying, Ty....and I'll keep trying from this end to figure out what I'm doing wrong.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Ya know, I just don't have anything earth shattering to share with you.....so I thought I would take a page from Scottie's book and tell you about my day. Yep, this is your cue to leave...
I took a night off work, don't know why as I didn't accomplish much more than a full night's sleep. But, that was nice in of itself. Pooch woke me up at 7:00 to go pee, or at least I assumed that was the reason she was chewing on my arm, and pitched her outside. She seemed happy enough to go, but that might just be to get the bad taste out of her mouth.
I watched the end of Avatar....I was too sleepy to watch the whole thing last night....and enjoyed it. Am I crazy or did it seem to be a remake of Dances With Wolves? I don't know, got a definite flavor of that type of movie there. But, in the end the bad guys lost and the good guys won, and all is right with the world....just don't look to the Persian gulf, the Gulf of Mexico, or the Aegean Sea, Nashville......is it my imagination or is there a theme developing around water here?
So, did the obligatory Walmart run today. Had to get the dog a new bowl.....I've been using plastic bowls, but she ate those. Yes, my dog won't bite the hand that feeds her, but the bowl is fair game. Did you know that a dog dish is roughly $12, but you can buy a ceramic bowl in the dishes area for $1. She got 2. Difference? No paw print on the side.
Bought Mom some flowers....again, obligatory but traditional. I buy her a couple hanging baskets every year. She oohs and aahs...but seems to like them anyway. I'm heading on up to see them after work on Saturday. Going to stay the night and let them mee the dog.....God, I hope she doesn't poop on thier floor. It would be just my luck. - - My aunt wanted to ride up with me and visit, but when I told her she was welcome as long as she didn't mind a 58 pound dog in her lap she realized she had other commitments and would need to stay in town.
Last.....heading off to bed soon. I made my current favorite: box mac & cheese with tuna. Ok, sounds gross, but I like it. The dog was walking around with her nose in the air, so I gave her a few ice cubes.....much cheaper than treats and she seems tickled to get them.
And there was my day....the highlilghts. Yep, my days are that boring. Sorry. I told you to run.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Somehow, the concept of helping out, of not just making the effort but actually bleeding for fellow man, has become immersed in hypocrisy and prejudice.....
Well, I have tried to be a helping soul...a person who will give a hand up to anyone who is ready to ask and receive ....we all know those few people who are definitely in need but have no desire for help. But, there are organizations, people standing up and calling out to the rest of us to help our fellow man. How can we refuse? How can I say no.....
I'm beginning to learn the merits of that little word.
Oh, the tease, the tease....get to your dang point! Sorry...I'm trying to be dramatic. So, my point: Did you know that giving blood is such an incredibly safe and secure procedure, and that the donation you make today can help dozens of people? Did you know that the blood donated is screened for drugs, disease, general health of the donor, and even stale dated? It is cared for like the individual golden life supporting gift it is. I am so proud that the donations I am making are so useful and needful. It seems something simple I can manage...bleed in a bag. I may be pee shy, but I can bleed on command - provided you have a needle or something. I'm so proud that I even have managed to get my first gallon pin recently.
But, my pride and desire to help become compromised by the prejudice of the very folks who ask me to come bleed for them. Did you know that Black Americans are prone to Scicle Cell Anemia and heart disease? Well, we don't want blood that is a potentially sick persons! Did you know that Native Americans are prone to alcoholism? Well, we don't want blood that is potentially from a drunk person! Hey, did you know that Caucasian Americans are prone to obesity? Well, we don't want blood with a high fatty content! Did you know that persons of a homosexual orientation are prone to AIDS? Well, we don't want to get blood from someone who has AIDS!
Did you know that only one of those statements is true?
Yep, my pride and joy, my sincere gratitude to a loved person who requires blood transfusions and so compells me to give blood, is done with an organizations that has no problem with prejudice.....they don't seem to mind it at all. If you have homosexual relations, if you do the wild thing with a man, no matter how careful, how clean, how loving...do not give blood. They won't take it. We're sickies.
There would be an outcry of racial prejudice if a so-called Black man were to be denied based on his ethnicity. Same for the Native American. The Caucasian American would create a cry of protest running all the way to Fox News... But the Gay man? Eh, we can live with that. After all, the white, red, black, yellow, blue, purple, aquamarine, etc., man or woman, despite humping like bunnies, n-e-v-e-r contract aids. Nope....that's just for the rainbow man. See what happens when you align yourself with more than one color?
So, I comfort myself with the knowledge that giving blood is necessary and needful. I don't lie on the questionaire.......I have a really big closet and I am really lonely! But, I don't feel right about it.
Monday, May 3, 2010
For a number of years now I have lived alone...of choice. Some of those choices are so that I can care for some important people in my life as they need me, others are because I am not ready to share my life so intimately.....but then, it wasn't long ago I would have been physically ill at the thougth of being so open so publicly, so who knows....... Nonetheless, my point is to the right....and pun intended. This is a public image of a german short hair pointer...one that looks very like my new friend and room mate. I can't tell you how desolate things felt sometimes as I came home from work to an empty house. Even when I had room-mates it was rare that I was happy to come home to them or they happy to see me come home. My new companion is simply beside herself to see me come through that door. She makes me laugh to see her butt trying to overcome the momentum of her tail, only to create an uncontrolled wiggle of pure joyful excitement. She makes me laugh, and occasionally cry when she gets too excited and lands in a bad spot....something she seems to do a lot, and is making me wonder if she just likes to see me cringe. I talk to her....a grown man talking in high-pitched voice repeatedly telling her she is a good girl...and it was once common for me to go days without saying a word if I wasn't working. Oh, we've had our issues.....chewed work boots, toys scattered everywhere and even shredded, the occasional present to be found with a sleepy walk to the bathroom by my bare foot (say ewwww here). I have holes in my yard, flowers dug up and tossed to the side, and hair everywhere....Every Where! Folks, i just wanted to tell you how abundantly happy I am to have a place in this one's heart...to see the joy in her eyes and physical expression. I only wish I could find such in a partner a touch less fuzzy and who walks upright...at least most of the time.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
I found out just a couple days ago, and still in shock I find myself writing. Tommy was a friend when we were kids of elementary school age, maybe some in jr. high….so that would be roughly up to 13 for you trying to translate. I was born destined to be large, physically, while Tommy was the little guy with the big heart. I remember him as I knew him best, of course…..the last I recall seeing him he was roughly 13 but stood about the same height I did at 11. He was of clear complexion, with bright blue eyes and blond hair, an athletically thin body. I remember him to be a leader in spirit, smart, quick…. Perhaps my fondest memory and one I recall frequently…the school bus was full. Yes, those were the days we rode a school bus to school, but it went up hill both ways, ok? But, the bus was full and there were kids standing in the aisle - as more and more got on it soon became necessary to think beyond that and I now had Tommy sitting on my lap. We were roughly 11, maybe 12, and I could smell the fresh morning shampoo coming from his beautiful hair. As the bus continued on, bouncing and bumping it’s overloaded self to the school, I realized that I was enjoying Tommy on my lap. I realized, and immediately shunted the thought into a dark corner never to be thought of again, that I was crushing on this boy. I’m sure when we got to school it was all about the newest girl and how the football team was doing, ya know guy stuff. But, even if he didn’t know, I forever felt a very warm if uncomfortable feeling for that boy…desires I didn’t understand, couldn’t translate, and didn’t dare feel openly. So, there it is, my first boy crush. I remember him so well now as I look back. He was beautiful…..and now gone.