I was off on my explorations....it's raining, so I'm not getting much work done today. I had some pizza and a beer as I watched "Once Upon a Time". I'm really liking that show. I've also grown to like "Grimm". I don't get to watch them on normal tv, but watch them here on the compy later. But, I digress... I was off on my explorations and came across this picture. It brought back memories and made me wonder about this lad. I guess that's the magic of good art, good photography; it makes us wonder about the person, the place, the concept....
I am like most people, I guess, in that I had a number of these moments when I was growing up. I look back on them now, these moments of quiet sadness amidst the chaos of childhood and adolescence, and wonder just what decisions I made in these moments that now shape my life.
Oh, we've all had these. We've all had this time in our lives where we separated from one we loved, thought we'd never be able to show our face again, or just wished life held something more and different. Lamenting our current position is perhaps the main title of adolescent depression. I never thought I'd be this old when I was in such a predicament as this lad. I thought I'd somehow escape my attractions to other lads and be married with kids of my own tearing about and destroying my home in their rambunctiousness. Somehow I just knew life would be like the fairy tales, like the tv shows, and I'd be mowing a white picket fenced yard trying to escape my wife.
Escape being the operative word. Escape reality. You know, I have a lot of respect for kids now who are able to face themselves in the mirror, knowing that they are different and yet still very worthwhile. It's hard for them to do that, I know, and we adults don't make it all that much easier all too often. So, as I look at that picture there, I think back on my own refusals to face reality, even the many ways I tried to escape life, period. The tv shows we watch....Once Upon a Time, indeed. The books we read, the rants and raves, and all in all it's just a form of escape. Can we be so brave to look into the mirror and see the truth....of ourselves, our worlds and the mistakes we've made and contributed to in others?
Well this is what was running through my mind for a bit today.....and then my pups jumped up into my lap - all 65 lbs of her - and reminded me that although my life hasn't turned out like the fairy tales, it's not so bad. I'm loved, and I have someone...something?...to love, even when I'm feeling down.
5 comments:
Hello Randy. You will always have my love, my respect, and my friendship no matter what mood or place in your life you are at. Hugs for you, Hugs for Gracie also. Scottie
As to the white picket fence, a home and some one to love. Yes I wanted those also. I dated a few guys in the service and they only wanted to have fun, party, and to be in the moment. I knew I wanted something different for my life, so I sadly let them go.
But one day I found my prince. He also wanted a home, a lover to share it with, a family we made of each other and on our own. And we are now been living this family life for over 21 years.
Just because we are gay doesn't mean we are not able to find soul mates, and make families. We are humans just as straight people are. We humans were making families and communities long before we even thought up rules or traditions for those groupings.
I think we need to identify as human first and our other traits after the first true trait...being human.
By the way my charge nurse told me yesterday that Ron and I have a truly beautiful relationship. She said we were special.
It is not to say we don't have our problems, but it recognized we are a family, a couple and very much in love.
I think there is someone for everyone and anyone. But I wouldn't not have found Ron if I had not taken a chance and gone out that night. I wouldn't have been able to start a relationship with him if we both had not realized we are gay and were willing to acknowledge that to both our self and others. We wouldn't have been able to make a life together if we had not been willing to let the world know who and what we were even if they were not able to understand.
There is someone for everyone. It may take a few tries, but they are out there. Now go find them. Good luck and many hugs.
Scottie
Hello Randy
A very touching post, and one that I can easily relate to, because I spent years telling myself that one day I was going to wake up and be 'normal'. But, ultimately, I am normal - for me. The fact that my normality doesn't match society's expectations is where the tension arises, of course. But it's me, and however you might twist and turn, you can never escape from yourself.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hallo Randy,
I know what you're talking about - I can sympathize.
My childhood in the "postwar years" (Nachkriegsjahre) was not very exciting. I have not learned to look for and to enjoy the public. I am and have always been a loner.
Although I have a circle of friends, but no so-called "soul mate".
Nevertheless, I enjoy my life, especially now as retirees.
I wish you well in this depressive autumn.
Nikki
Hello everyone, and thank you for such wonderful comments. Yesterday was a busy one....hit something with my mower and took a big bite out of the ends of the blade. It looks to be balanced yet, but ??? Leaves are falling like rain, amidst the darn rain...hard to get work done like this, but winter snow is coming - maybe tomarrow!.
Hugs for all;
randy.
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