I just watched another video about another Christian group talking about the end of the world being brought about by glbt folks.
Maybe I need to tell you about my youth. I could tell you how I grew up teased, I grew up knowing I was different and fought anyone who pushed at me hard enough to make me prove I wasn't different. I could tell you about how I became a bully to show that I was just like everyone else. I could tell you how I remember so very vividly going to a party with my "girlfriend". We kissed in the driveway; long, toungefilled kisses with groping hands and I had my mind searching for how to do whatever I was doing, thinking my way through a kiss....and, how my mind would go back to the fooling around that I did with the a couple neighborhood kids and how wonderful that felt and how I wanted it to last forever.
I knew I was different, and it scared me to death. Still does. Everytime I hear someone talking about someone who is gay and I see the facial expressions, everytime I wonder if I will be forced to "out" myself a little bit more as I begin to defend someone's right to be different, every time I look in the mirror and wonder where my life went, trying to live like other people want me to live. How very wasteful. How so very wasteful.
You wonderful people have asked me "why don't you come out". And I know, it is because I am still afraid. I have lived so long, so much of my life, hiding who I was from those who ought to love me regardlesss of who I find sexy. Can I simply stop and say 'Heeere's Randy!'?
There are some of you out there who have been outed, or outed yourself, and you are suffering the consequences. So many have even gone so far as to commit suicide, being unable to stand the criticism and the bullies. You believe yourself in a living hell that has only one escape. I tell you that you are not in hell. You are free.
You are free like the butterfly, fighting free of the confining mess of his transformation. You are free despite the horrible things people say. You are my heroes. You are my idols, my wanna-be's, my hopes.
You see, hell is living a lie. Hell is living alone, afraid of what will be said. Hell is knowing that it is dumb to feel this way, wasteful, horrible, and yet afraid to venture out. I tell you, you are suffering, but you are not in hell.
So, I tell you and hope that it will somehow strengthen me; no matter what assholes like Pat Robinson, Westborough Church, and who-ever else wants to preach hate from the pulpit; no matter the bullies that are so desperate for their time in the sun - it's very short lived, you know...it peaks in highschool and then is gone; no matter what people "who love you" seem to think, BE FREE.