Friday, July 29, 2011

What are you saying?

  Many people over the years have suggested, in all caring, that I "come out" to those that care for me.  They tell me that it makes life easier not to have to live two lives, to not have to lie to people, deceive people, that you can be who you are.  So, recently I took that step and spoke with my mother about it, telling her that I'm gay.  Now, at 20, this brings about a fair portion of disappointment, denial, "maybe it's just a stage", you name it.  At 40, it's more a point of trying not to laugh.  Thankfully, she didn't say "No, duh, really", but "yes, Randy, we know" was very clearly expressed.
  So, the question, do I come out to others?  Tell the people at work?  Tell my neighbors?  Is it any of their damn business who I care for and who I invite to my bed?  No! 
  I did have one coworker ask me "what, are you gay".  I responded "what, are you stupid".  It's amazing the level of invasiveness that some feel acceptable, and whether joking or serious the issue has no place in most conversation.
  I've often wondered how some could joke about the issue.  Some people will haze a gay couple with things like "oh, I wonder who's the man and who's the woman".  Hell, I wonder that about a fair number of hetero couples I meet. 
  Being gay, being thought of as gay, I should say, casts an impression in some that gay means weak.  Or, that gay means crazy.  And yet, no one thinks about the fact that some in the closet who are thought quite sane or quite strong are, in fact, gay. 
  What am I saying with all of this?  We are men.  We are women.  With no greater or lesser rights than any other man or woman.  Going beyond those levels is inexcusably invasive and has no bearing on us as people, but it sure says a lot about the people asking the questions.


Sammy B said...

Hello Randy
Well said! Absolutely everything you've written in the post is, or certainly should be, absolutely unarguable. What you are is absolutely no-one else's business, and, in the vast majority of instances where there's no chance of innocent parties being harmed, what you do is no-one's business, either. People are people, and that should be the only consideration.
And your line about 'gender roles' in heterosexual relationships was laugh-out-loud funny, too!

Love & best wishes
Sammy B

Scottie said...

Hello Randy. I have yet to be approached by a person who on meeting them proclaims to be heterosexual. So I don't feel the need run around proclaim to be Gay. With the proverbial exceptions. Young people from other departments will some times ask about my wife, or if I am married. I always tell them that I am in a 21 yr committed relationship with Ron and we are not allowed to marry in Florida but will as soon as it it legal. I answer honestly if asked if I am gay, or if a derogatory remark is made that is meant to be hurtful I correct the person. However I love to joke around, and it is not uncommon for me to crack gay jokes, or wittiness, or to act campy for fun. In fact today I just bought a light purple/pink cover for my Iphone, just to see what giggles I can stir up.

Being gay is not really about sex I think, it is about love. I have had sex with women and men, and it is great to help please others while getting pleasure my self. Sex is a physical act designed for pleasure no matter with who or how you do it. But love is different. I can have sex with a girl, but I couldn't really love her, not in the way I love Ron. He is a part of me, a love so deep I cant describe it. So being gay has nothing to do with who is a top or bottom or both...or who ties who up..LOL it is about who loves who.

So I wouldn't come out to anyone who doesn't need to know. If they ask why you if you are gay, if a guy ask them if they are looking for a date...or a girl ask them if they have an available brother. I have used both and it is grand.

My advice for what it is worth as an open man for almost 50 yrs, is just be your self, let your personality shine. That is the only thing that matters.

Hugs and loves.

randy said...

Thank you, gentlemen.
I had an interesting thing today. I am looking to be more social, but correctly. A son of a friend stopped by today on his way to see his best friend...these are my age. As he was passing, he stopped, invited me. Now, I don't like his friend, at all, and he is someone who has tortured himself about his sexuality. I know this via others. I declined the invite.
I regretted it, a bit, but realized that it wouldn't be a healthy night out. As much as I'd like to go out and be with people, I don't want to be unhealthy either. I felt good about using my head, but I was disappointed that the very thing I wanted came in such a wrong package.
Well, another day rises. Will look forward to what comes.
hugs all;