Saturday, August 20, 2011


  Hello Neighbor;

  I just saw a clip that Mr. Roger's Neighborhood was going to come back on the air in a pupped/cartoon format.  I thought that was, if I may use Scottie's term, Grand.  In my college courses, he actually came up a few times as a real pioneer in teaching through modeling.  Ever since watching him as a small child, I've learned best by watching someone do something and then trying the same thing myself...especially if I could get them to repeat it a few times.  So, hat's off to Fred.

  I recently went through some family troubles.  Yep, happens.  A wonderful and insightful friend showed me that I was being very concerned about what everyone else was going through and forgetting about that man in the mirror.  His words have been resonating with me ever since, to the point of having me unable to sleep a day later for the reverberating waves in my mind. 
  In searching this out, I found many cartoons and stylized phrases that spoke about respect for others, and even respect for oneself, but rarely do we hear about how we must sometimes stick up for ourselves.  We most often hear about being considerate and kind to others, to their belongings and their beliefs,... that sort of thing.  And, how quickly do we slide away from self concern as a position akin to selfishness.  And yet, our gift of life, liberty and even peace and happiness are only going to be protected by us, by each for his own.  The government can't give us self-respect.  Our religion can't.  Our family can't.  Really, it is a journey of self acceptance and discovery.  It is a learning process in which only we can be the teacher as well as the student.  We can be guided, taught a bit, even model it from someone like our lovable Fred Rogers, but in the end, only we - - only I can respect myself.
  And, sometimes, in order to respect myself, I must insist on being treated in a certain manner, a respectful manner.  And, as hard as it may be to require this, if someone isn't willing to respect me, then they are really unhealthy for me, aren't they?
  Is it so wrong that we should expect respect?  As a person, as a people group, we must not only know what we believe in and are willing to stand for, but also that we do not become other's doormat. 
  It's going to take some time.  I wasn't taught a great deal of self-respect growing up, instead having it drummed into my head how I needed to show respect for others instead.  So I need to learn this now, as an adult full of poor ways of doing things .....and this is going to take time.  But, it certainly feels right.


Sammy B said...

Hello Randy
Self-respect seems to me to be very much a double-edged sword. It is, as you say, important to an individual's psychological make-up, but it can be difficult for other people to come to terms with.
I am, as you know, having a rather difficult time at present. I'm not alone in that, by any means, and I'm well aware that many others have far worse to contend with than I do. And that's the side of things that people you interact with, even those close to you, seem to concentrate on. If you're seen to favour 'I', you're very often seen as selfish, egotistical, uncaring. Especially if you're a man. Men are supposed to cultivate the 'stiff upper lip', to suppress their emotional side. I've made tentative attempts this afternoon to draw my wife's attention to how low I'm feeling, but, while she hasn't been dismissive, she doesn't seem to understand, or maybe better appreciate, what I'm talking about. And she's a psychiatric nurse by profession. If someone with relevant professional qualifications can't readily distinguish self-respect and selfishness, what chance do the rest of us have?

Love & best wishes
Sammy B

Anonymous said...

Hi Randy and Sam,
pleasee trust in an old man's judgement (70 years are long).
It is, as Randy put it in his headline:
only HE/ or SHE, who respects, will be really respected by others, and can feel them respecting you.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T. has a great deal in common with TRUST;
one has to trust to respect s.o. - to earn his or her trust and respect in return.

Just look at Amar and his family - and also at Amar and his Chums --- and all those, who are positively interacting with Amar (for instance the D.M.):

One has to trust to show respect and to earn - in return - trust and respect.

That "trust" earned by money or power will never create respect; it just leads to dependence and may be a bit of lojality, for the time, the "lower" can give his "upper" some ("material") benefits.

When I was a teacher, the best present I got from my students, was their respect, cause I let them feel, that I trusted and respected them.
<3 Miles

randy said...

What a difficult line, it is. I can say that perhaps it is a balance, in that one must respect himself to truly respect others and even to truly care for others. I don't know.... as I said, this is a journey that has me struggling to catch up and understand.
Come along...we'll trek on together.

randy said...

That is a great thing, Miles;
To know that you are appreciated and respected is the greatest gift. And, I love Amar... he is able to be the person I wish I could be so often.
Question: what do you do when that trust factor is broken and the disrespect stems from there? None of us are perfect.
Wonderful comment. Thank you.