Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Must I really be like you?

Hi Friends;
  I can't sleep, my knee is throbbing.  So, I'm up hoping the Excedrin will kick it....normally I take Aleve, but dummy me I left it in my tool box at work. 
  I was hitting some of the sites I've missed due to heavy work hours and found this follow up to the assault on the highschool student that I posted on before... (click here) .... for that Towel Road story.  What hit me the most is a comment made by the school officials to this young guy:  "Can't you maybe tone things down a bit?  Not draw so much attention to yourself?"
  In nature, conformity in packs is a survival mechanism.  Maybe that's true in people, too.  But, you see, if the fish, the Zebra, the Wilderbeast, etc., does not stand out, then the predator is not able to lock onto that one as a target.  In the uniformity and conformity of the pack, individualism is not a recipe for survival.  In fact, other fish, zebras and wilderbeast will actively distance themselves as not to be so near the target.
  I guess it's only in hindsight of looking at this phenomenon that I realize how basely driven we are even still.  We talk about this bully or that unfair system being a throwback, a Neanderthal, etc.  And, only now do I realize how correct that analogy.
  Nikki spoke of how shallow youth are, caring only about the clothes they wear.  I didn't understand his comment until now.  In the race to conformity, the style setters dictate survival.  Being "in" ensures a lead in the group, a centering of the mass so it is the stragglers and fringe who are sought by the predators. 
  It is, then, in increasing awe and admiration I have for those who live as themselves and not as part of the pack.  I personally am a t-shirt and jeans guy.  I don't know that I'd ever be otherwise...for that matter, I own little that doesn't fit that.  But, for those out there who proclaim themselves "out and proud", you have unfortunately painted yourself a target for the neanderthals.  But, perhaps more, you have begun to lead in a whole new social conformity that requires either acceptance or defiance.  You are winning the fight!  You are creating a world in which being different is not a death sentence, but a clarion call.  I am so proud of you.


Scottie said...

Thanks Randy. I am proud of you also. You are smart and accomplished. Your kind and caring. You also are a leader and trend setter just as you describe those who are "out". Being out doesn't mean you have to shout out your orientations constantly, it doesn't mean you need to take offence at every word, it doesn't mean you must act any different than you would anyway.. It does mean being free to act as you feel, to say what you are truly feeling with out hiding part of yourself, it does mean being able to say I am as worthy as you, it does mean living your life to its fullest and enjoying what and who you are.

I have not really ever been "in" or "out". Even in the service I have always been just me. I love males and even my fellow soldiers knew that, heck I was dating my Sargent. At work I have been asked if I am in a relationship and I tell them about Ron and I. I don't stand on the desk and shout type thing, but tell those who I am talking to in a natural normal conversational way. It is as normal to me to refer to my spouse as it is the other married people I work with. A few times I have had some react negatively...but remember that is their problem, not mine. and they know better than to push it with me...I am not shy. Again no need to get all defensive and angry, just set them straight as to my world and how it works. Actually it has been years since anyone questioned or had a problem with my being gay and and the relationship Ron and I have. Maybe because we live not as a show but as a natural way for us to be. Many hugs.

randy said...

You are my inspiration. You inspire me to be me. Sort of in the "careful what you ask for" category, huh? :)

Many hugs and love to you and your wonderful family: Ron, James, Milo

Have a Grand Thanksgiving!

Anonymous said...

hi to all wordsthateffect.blogspot.comers this is my frst post and thought i would say a big hello to yous -
speak soon
garry m

randy said...

Hi Garry M.-
I am so glad to have folks come and comment. I try to share what I think, what I feel, and even what I hope. And, I recognize that I am frequently wrong. So, I hope you and all will freely comment to express your own sincere thoughts on things, even to disagree with me. And, even to help me see from another view.
Happy Thanksgiving to all.


Anonymous said...

I'm glad you understand my attitude. People often are describing me as extremely frugal, even as stingy, because I've decided this whole "consumer hype" (we say Konsumrummel) not to participate. But I have other goals as the great mass. For example, I've now fulfilled myself a long-cherished wish, and I bought a motor home - and one that suits my lifestyle - "small but beautiful" (klein aber fein).

randy said...

Hi Nikki;
I am first to say that I am very parochial. I've not traveled, and I've not had many of the experiences others have had. So, I often just don't "get it".
I am so glad to have other's views as it gives me that chance to expand my understandings.
As far as your views regarding the purchases...a saying goes that heaven is not having everything we want, but wanting what we have. I see folks, and I'm guilty of this too, who want the new shiny thing and then quickly forget it. I'm learning to recognize what I need is actually quite small.
I'm so happy for you with the motor home. I see that as something I would enjoy myself. Have a wonderful time.