Saturday, October 26, 2013

Scottie do not read this post.

Hello Friends;

  I ran across a pic today, sparked my interest.  It is below and speaks for itself.

When I was much younger, I hunted some.  Mostly, I shot things... trees, cans, targets.  I no longer own guns, and for the most part don't need or want to.  But, I thought I would tell you my story about guns...

I've told you all about when I was 11, and was raped by one of my neighbors.  I don't need to go over that again.  In the ensuing period afterward, I recall quite clearly getting my father's gun and putting it to my head.  As you can imagine, it didn't go off.  I don't recall if I didn't load it, or if I loaded it wrong... I remember pulling the trigger and nothing happening, then putting the thing back where it was and going into my room to stare at the wall for a while.

  In time, I was ok.  Mostly.  I had some fear issues and self esteem issues, still do.  I also had anger issues, and those still get me now and again.  Perhaps it just isn't something that can be fully put behind a person?  

  I, of course, had a bb gun when I was a kid.  I think my Dad may still have the darn thing stashed somewhere.  He's not good at throwing things out.  My friend and I got quite good at target shooting, and like most kids, were more creative than wise.  We would play war, shooting each other as we ran through the woods with the rule:  no shooting in the face.  Seemed quite safe then.... right?
  In time, I moved up to a .22.  Just a plinker rifle, cheap but accurate.  I recall coming home one day on the day before rent was due and getting stopped by the neighbor kids.  I talked with them for a while, and seeing their mother come from my house with something in a towel had me curious but unconcerned.  Well, come to find out, while I was at work my room-mate decided to pack up and leave, on the day before rent was due.  Since he was still there, the neighbor decided it was likely best if she removed my gun from the house before I got there.  It startled me at the time to realize how that was probably a good idea.

  So, I don't own guns anymore.  Don't need them, don't want them.  But, many people do, want them at least.  And, for those who are safe with them, I am mostly accepting of their rights.  But, look at my history with guns above.  Scary stuff happens, dumb stuff happens, and even accidents happen....

...  and when those scary, dumb, accidents happen, no amount of "oops - sorry" brings back the bullet.  


Anonymous said...

Guten Morgen Randy (at us tonight the summer time was reset),
to the image with the "toddler":
So this is the attitude of "Bachmann Christians" - the Republicans
"Arming the toddler!!!"
Hooray USA
Einen schönen Sonntag wünscht Dir Nikki

randy said...

Hi Nikki;
No... well, sort of. Like my "history" indicated, kids will often find the guns that Mommy and Daddy "hide". The Bachmans and republicans and nra type people who are so strong about the freedom and even proliferation of guns, they are so very against the restriction for any reason. We just had another school shooting, where a middle schooler - so age 11 - 13 or so - brought a gun to school. He shot two kids and killed a teacher who tried to stop him before killing himself.
So, the picture is sarcasm, but like all sarcasm, has a fair amount of truth behind it.

Scottie said...

Hello Randy, my wonderful brother. I am so glad you never hurt your self. My world and the world of so many others are enriched by your being here.

Thank you also for the warning, as we talked about over the email, I feel horrible about your abuse, but realize i simply couldn't have stopped it.

I also took my stepfather's gun down, and attempted to kill one of my abusers. I was lucky, at the very last second as I started to pull the trigger, something inside me happened. I still don't know what to this day, but I think it was a powerful protective force, some people call them angels, I remember so much about that day, it was a 30-30 rifle, I took it down, out of the soft case, and opened the drawer with the bullets, I loaded it, pulling the bolt back and locking it. I had it aimed as I was taught, carefully on target I held my breath and gently pulled back on the trigger...

And remember some time later waking up...with the gun in my lap. Still loaded and still with my finger in the Trigger guard .

At the time I had different religions fighting for me and my support, but in truth I never knew and still don't, what happened. I just know I got up, I safely unloaded the weapon, put the bullets back in the little holes in the package they came from, and cleaned the gun. I also never touched it again after I put it back.

I have no explanation for what happened. I know how I felt and what I had planned to do, but I also know it did not happen.

I am tired, but I wanted to tell you I am tired of our gun violence in this country, and my own story. Mostly I wanted you to know how much you mean to me and how grateful I am your still here. Hugs

randy said...

Thank You, Scottie;
I'm glad I'm still here too. There are times that people see only the greatest, most extreme answer as the only one. It is only with the distance of time, the wisdom of experience, etc... that we look back and realize how terribly extreme the option really was, how much it really would have cost. Far too many young people don't realize that things seem so unbearable can and do get better - not to make light of them, only that some options are extremely expensive.