The lonely walker

This year, at about 9pm on Christmas Eve, my Aunt invited to join the extended family for Christmas Dinner.  I quickly realized the cost of this offer, so I accepted, despite my heart screaming "NO!".

~

  I think I told  you all about how my generation of my family has quite effectively ostracized me.  I live within 8 miles of my sister and cousins, but have seen none of them in years - and then only in passing.  I've never met my niece or nephew.

 At first, it was difficult, being judged and told what a horrible person I am.  Then, as years rolled by, I began to realize that I really don't need them, really don't care for the people they show themselves to be.  I found that there is peace and harmony in life spent away from those who don't love or like me, and while I hurt and ache for being judged and condemned, it has become more a hurt from the very act and less from the people doing the act.

  And so I sat watching as my cousins roll into my aunt's house, a house I realize I've not been in for more than the time it takes to complete simple tasks for over 20 years, laughing and wishing everyone a merry merry fucking holiday and I realized that being spiritually, emotionally and mentally kicked for so many years leaves me flinching in the face of these smiling faces.  I am suddenly more miserable than I thought I could be and still paste a smile on my face.  In short order, I found reason to leave.  I came home to my dog, to my wonderful Gracie who always loves me, and realized that life is far too short for being around people who don't choose to like me.
 

You know how they say "common sense isn't so common"?

Well, I guess the same can be said for common decency.

You know, when I look at things political, it occurs to me that there is a great deal of self interested, self important, self centered thought being bandied about as "political policy".
  In my area there are a number of folks in a far better financial position than I.  That is not something I begrudge them; I'm sure they are all hard working folks.  What bothers me is that these same people who have no concern about meeting their food needs, who live in nice warm homes and have warm solid clothing, would dare stand up and declare that they are 'tired of financing the lives of a bunch of lazy good for nothings'.  Now, who do you suppose they believe so unfortunate as to need their help?  Do you suppose it is a bunch of people who would rather see their children hungry, cold, poorly educated than go find a good paying job?
  I recently looked at the job postings in our local paper.  There were three.  One: part time bus driver.  Two: millwright.  Three:  Registered Nurse.  This is a fairly large market that once boasted numerous factories and founderies.  They are now gone.  The buildings stand empty or were torn down.  The heyday of the 60's - early 90's made this a great middle income area.  Those jobs are now in Mexico, India, China, but we are still here, still hungry.  And, what's more mind-boggling is that those factory workers who once would strike for better wages are now voting republican.... the very folks who seem to just love destroying unions!
  When Republicans give all of their attention to the fat cats who grow fat by labor in other countries, who stomp about in their self-righteousness and declare themselves "job producers" yet refuse to pay living wages for the few jobs in the country, then believe themselves fiscally responsible when they starve out the poor and shrinking middleclass, it is no wonder they seek to increase the loyalty of gun owners!    But, the funny thing about people:  quietly choke the resource supply and people will fight among themselves rather than the power choking the resource supply.  Suddenly, those who are choking the resources down are being actively supported by the stronger of the very people being choked.  Worse, those supporters feel supremely justified in their support.

Merry Christmas!!!!

Let love be

I have made no secret that I believe in Christ.  I believe there is more than I see, more than I can imagine to be, and I believe in a red-letter Christ.  What that means, I believe that what Christ said is far more important than what Paul said, what Moses said, what David said.... and that isn't to discount those sayings, but is to amplify what Christ said.
  He said, Love God, Love your Neighbor.  I shouldn't have to rationalize or worry about the rest, should I?  I can't imagine all the rules in the Old Testement, and Paul seemed like he was constantly creating more.... Jesus had two.  I can work on two.
At heart, I'm probably considered more Buddhist than Christian.  But, my thoughts:  if I get to the end of my life and find that caring for others is not the path to heaven, then I really don't belong, if I ever would have.  More, if casting judgement, shame, hatred and poverty on those around me is the path to heaven, as some seem to act as if they believe, then I'd be in the wrong place.
  I'm not perfect.  I have my huge list of "sins", of issues, of poor behavior and thoughts, but I want to believe in a world where love triumphs.  Probably means I'm naive and immature.... but, down deep, don't we all want to believe that if we are good Santa will bring us what we really want?

Never did get that darn pony!

  It's been a very enjoyable few days with my very republican father.  I love the guy, but.... wow.